Marriage (Nikah)

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THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF NIKAH

The Nikah or Islamic marriage may be divided into the following sections:

1. THE WALI OR GUARDIAN OF A GIRL

2. EQUALITY AMONG SPOUSES

3. MARRYING ACROSS RELIGIOUS BARRIERS

4. THE MAHR OR DOWRY

5. WORDINGS USED FOR NIKAH

6. MUTUAL RIGHTS OF THE SPOUSES

7. EXPENSE AND MAINTENANCE

8. RIGHTS OF CHILDREN

9. TERMINATING THE NIKAH

10. THE IDDAH OF A DIVORCED WOMAN

11. IDDAH UPON DEATH

12. CUSTODY AND MAINTENANCE OF CHILDREN

WALI means a person who looks after the affairs of another. This is different to the spiritual Wali, meaning a man who has become the friend of Allah. Wali can also mean friend, but this is not what we mean here. The Wali in matters of marriage is one who has the right to make the nikah of another.

The Wali of a girl is firstly her father, then her grandfather. This means that if the father is not alive or not available then the grandfather becomes the Wali. These two are the strongest of all Auliyaa (plural of Wali).

In this section the term "not available" means that no contact with the Wali is possible, not by

After the father and grandfather comes the brother. If the father is not alive, nor the grandfather then the brother of the girl has the right to be her Wali. If a girl has several brothers then the eldest brother is the Wali. So they go according to age.

A Wali must be Baaligh. A minor cannot be a Wali. So if a girl’s brother is still a minor, he cannot be her Wali.

Next in line to be Wali after the brother is the girl’s uncle, i.e. her father’s brother. If he is not alive or available

Whenever the nearest Wali is not alive or available then the Wali next in line after him can take over the affairs of the girl.

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The wife has to compulsorily observe the following Islamic rights towards the husband:

• Caring for his children. This includes Islamic education in the home and upbringing of children, especially the daughters.
• Looking after his belongings and possessions during his absence.
• Managing the affairs of the household. This comprises cooking, cleaning, and similar domestic chores.
• Allowing the husband access to herself (for sexual relations) when the need arises. Further, to show inclination and pleasantness towards the husband in such matters.
• Keeping herself clean and attractive for the husband.
• Always speaking kind of him in his presence and during his absence. Not to degrade him because of looks or poverty.
• Always assisting the husband in his Deen.
• To provide comfort and solace when he is bereaved or heart-broken.
• Protecting her honour and chastity in his absence.
• Not to observe nafl fast and nafl salah without the permission of the husband.
• Not to leave the home to go anywhere (even to visit parents) except with the husband's permission. (Emergencies are excluded from this ruling. For visits that are allowed see next section.)
• Respecting his parents and family.
• Not to demand an allowance that is beyond his financial capability.
• Not to allow anyone into the home without his permission.
• Not to call him by name. Instead a suitable title or respectful address should be used.
• To respectfully admonish him over any wrongdoing on his part. If he listens, well and good, if not, remain silent.
• Not to complain to others about him, nor to divulge bedroom and marital secrets to other women.
• Not to harbour bad thoughts about him, or to accuse him of infidelity.

The husband has to compulsorily fulfill the following Islamic rights towards his wife:

• Payment of the mehr (dowry).
• Providing food, clothing and shelter. Clothing means the necessary garments for summer and winter, as well as items such as blankets, bedding, to the extent of necessity. The house should accommodate the family adequately.
• Providing a house in which no relatives of the husband reside. If the husband's parents are living with him, the wife should at least have a separate kitchen, bathroom and toilet. It will be preferable to provide completely separate quarters for her in view of the increased number of disputes with in-laws nowadays.
• The house should not be so isolated as to represent a threat to the welfare of the wife in the absence of the husband. If so, suitable security arrangements should be set up, and/or a male mehram should be in attendance.
• In food and clothing the financial status of both husband and wife must be taken into consideration. If both are rich, the food and clothing the husband provides must be of the standard found in wealthy homes. If both are poor, the standard of food and clothing for the wife will be according to that which is found in poor homes. If one spouse is rich and the other poor then the husband has to provide an average standard of food and clothing. (That is, below the living standards of the rich, but above that of the poor)
• If the wife comes from a home which employs a domestic servant then the husband too has to provide her with a maid.
• If the wife is ill then too, the husband has to make arrangements for a maid to assist in domestic work (even if previously they employed no domestic worker).
• Providing the necessary furniture for the home, such as, stove, fridge, oven, beds, etc.
• Purchasing meat, groceries, fruit, vegetables, and necessary toiletries. This means purchase and delivery to the house.
• Paying for lights and water. Phone bills to be paid by whoever has taken out the contract with the service provider. If the other party uses the facility more, it will be permissible (not compulsory) to claim back the costs of calls made.
• Fees of the mid-wife are for the account of the husband.
• The husband is obliged to allow the wife one visit a week to parents, and one visit a year to other mehram relatives like brothers, sisters, uncles, and aunts. But she may not stay there, unless they live in another city. Similarly, parents must be allowed a weekly visit but may not stay, and other mehram relatives an annual visit but cannot stay, unless the parties are in different cities.
• Not to discuss marital secrets with others, nor speak of the faults of his wife to others. In the event of marital problems, the husband may discuss such matters with responsible, learned people, but strictly with a view to reconciliation.
• To treat her with kindness, and to exercise extreme patience and tolerance in the face of unreasonable or unbecoming behaviour from the wife.
• To educate the wife on Islamic matters as purification, prayers, fasting, etc. To impart other forms of Deeni advice, such as performance of salah, abstention from bid'ah and un-Islamic customs.
• To reprimand the wife with dignity, respect, politeness, and civility when she transgresses.
• Never to raise his hand upon her, or cause physical hurt, or verbal insult.
• To respect her parents and family members.
• Not to divorce her until all efforts at reconciliation have been exhausted. And before issuing divorce, to refer to Ulema for help.
• Not to accuse the wife of adultery, nor harbour such thoughts. However, pardah laws must be imposed.

MAY ALLAH PLACE HARMONY IN OUR MARRIAGES AND GRANT US ALL THE ABILITY TO FULFILL THE RIGHTS OF A NIKAH.